Sunday, February 22, 2015

Contemplating my little brother

You are so enthusiastic and yet subdued at times. You are observant, and still easily distracted. You are loud, but can disappear into your quiet world for the longest time. You are passionate about what you love. You are confident and persistent. You know what you want because you think long and hard about it. Your imagination is boundless. You never get tired of humor. People tell you that you're amazing at what you do and you reply with a simple 'yeah, thanks,' because what you do is as common and easy to you as tying your shoes is to other people. 'I draw comics. No big.'
You are so willing to learn, and you learn so well. Our parents are so happy that you ask questions, absorb information. You learn differently, you get frustrated with certain subjects, but we're all ok with that. Our whole family learns differently anyway.
But you're entering something new now. I don't doubt that you'll be fantastic at it. You love being dramatic and you love dancing. But you haven't been around kids like these before. You have only been around so many of your peers, and they are either Autistic or ADHD or simply unique, like you. Or they are in our youth group, kids who have been raised to be kind and loving. But these kids, I don't know of they will be so accepting. And I'm so scared for you. You're almost thirteen, but you still talk like you're ten years old. Oh, you're getting wise beyond your years, but you're still a kid. A quirky and friendly and trusting kid. I don't want your enthusiasm to be whittled down by these kids.
We don't always interact at home. I love it when we do. We cheer each other on while we play video games. We play the goofiest games with our toys. We fight each other with swords and pillows, and I tire out long before you do. We don't always interact at home, but I always feel an urge to protect you when outside of home. 'I'm keeping an eye on my brother. He's that boy with the glasses and purple shirt. He's Autistic.' My way of saying, 'That boy is my little brother. He's Autistic, so be nice. Remember, he's my brother.'
I'm scared I won't always be around to explain that. I'm scared that you'll learn about things all the wrong way. I love you. Our parents love you. I think that they're sometimes scared about these things too.
But you're maturing. I know that I can't keep an eye on you all the time. I can only trust that God will watch over you. Trust that you will continue to enthusiastically learn about God. I love you, dude.
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." Proverbs 17:17.
It's one of my favorite verses, and I am determined to follow it. You are quirky and imaginative and thoughtful. Don't let people bring you down. Allow them to make you wiser in one way or another. I'm not a very wise person myself. I'm still growing. I know that I don't always make the best older sister, but I hope you know that I love you so much. I will learn to let you go, let you mature on your own. Trust God and set out in the world, little brother.

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